Your search is incorrect

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I want you to have Wild Boys by Duran Duran running through your head right now. This will give you the sense of chaos that envelops the IT world. You would think that a world of ONLY 1s and Zeros could get pretty stright forward. Seriously, every computer out there only knows logical responses. It is either 1 or 0. On or off. Yes or No. Black or White (Thank you Michael Jackson for pointing that out). So how is it that Windows manages to screw up so often? Who keeps changing all those little bits and bytes to the wrong decision eh?

See, every thinks that computers understand what the letter ‘a’ is or the number ‘2’. Hell, most people think that a computer ‘knows’ what an email or picture is. They don’t know shit. (I’ll let you figure out if I mean the computers or the people). So, our ‘modern society’ so far advanced that somehow they beleive that ‘searching’ is actually random. And that using Wildcards actually make the search ‘better’ or to include more.

At work I run a report using wildcards. For those who don’t know the term, in respect to technology, the same concept in a card game applies here. The point of a wildcard is to be anything you want it to be. For example, you can do a Google search for automobile and get 121 Million hits. If you do the search with a wildcard, i.e. *mobile, then you get 1.25 Billion hits. The wildcard broadens the search to any word that ends with ‘mobile’ or any site that uses the world mobile on its own. In essence, when you use a wildcard for searching, your results will include everything with that term. At least that is the theory.

I run this report at work using wild cards and there is information missing that should have been included. So I create an internal ticket to discover why the search did not cover some information that it missed. Then I get told that using wildcards won’t bring up the information I looked for. I am supposed to search for the terms directly. Hang on a second….I’m being told I need to know what I’m looking for BEFORE I look for it? Did I just hear that?

The same schmuck also told me that ‘most likely your search result was from….’ to which I replied “We don’t accept guesses as answers…”. You ain’t gonna use a ‘wildcard’ answer on me!

So now I’m onto finding out who is responsible for the database searches and not this internal clown that really doesn’t get it. Well, that just turned out to be a fruitless search. In this company, noobody knows anyone who knows anything about who’s responsible. And if that sentence was completely and grammatically incorrect, then you have just experienced the mental quagmire that the IT world oozes and wallows in.

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