Archive for July, 2009

Suck it up princess!

July 24, 2009

You want what?

Decisiveness is about the only indication of any significant intelligence that is judged by our society. Whether that is right or wrong, not for me to decide. I merely observe and report 🙂

When I asked a friend what she wanted to eat for supper, I got “I don’t want McDonalds and I don’t want Wendy’s either…” Dammit, I asked you want you want….not want you don’t want!

Here’s yet another fine example of ‘you don’t know what you want!’

Client emails in asking to manage his contracts all from one account….but the said he ‘should be able to manage the licenses separated’….huh? Is this one of those ‘jumbo shrimp koans’?

Now, you would think that people would know what they have, even given the paperwork in front of them.

Client emails in asking why he can’t download his software that he purchased. Sends in a receipt showing everything EXCEPT the product he is asking about. Dude, did you even look at the sheet??

Now, all this is enough to drive someone to drink Hamilton Water . So lets talk about people who KNOW what they want.

ConnectU. These guys know what they want and that is a piece of Facebook. Nothing like waiting till someone is willing to sell for $10 Billion. These punks at ConnectU waited 3 years before doing anything significant? Hey, if you have a claim, then make it. Otherwise you let the opportunity go and the world is now a ‘better place’ with someone making some decent money. The world is already full of people who have absolutely stunning ideas that could revolutionize the way we do thing but are so afraid of loosing it that we’ll never see it in the light of day.

Its kinda pathetic really. It’s one of those ‘If I can’t make money, then the rest of the world can go to hell!’ type of approach. The cool thing about us is that such an idea will never be solely held by one person alone. Life always finds a way to make sure such things get out into the general populace. How many people thought about making something and then years later find that something on a shelf in a store and said to yourself “Hey, I thought about that idea!” Too late…someone else had the wherewithal to actually go out, find investors and make it happen while you stayed at home saying “I don’t know anyone who can help me…”. There’s a great little saying that I picked up a few years back “Whether you say you can or say you can’t, you are right.”

Suck it up princess!


Blackout Story

July 22, 2009

Everyone knows about the blackout that happened back in 2003. I was working for a big corporation out of a 12-story building in Markham. Now every business building of significance is equipped with backup generators, usually diesel powered. Where these generators are placed varies but usually on the roof. For the building we worked in this was the case. They also put the fuel tanks in the ground. Makes sense, wouldn’t want a flammable fluid potentially leaking down on top of your clients, generally considered a bad thing.

I was taking some calls when it all went down. It was kind of strange. I was talking with one office who said they just lost all power. I told them to call back and I’ll help out their computer issue when they are back up. The very next call another office said the same thing. To whit I replied “That’s funny, another office just said they lost power too.” Then it all hit the fan. Mass chaos everywhere. Cell phone towers jammed, calls were not getting through although text messages seemed to work most of the time. Everyone scrambling to get a hold of their friends/family, businesses lossing money and here we are, a tech support company without anything to do because the bulk of our clients had no power, thus no computer problems 🙂

Well, in our building where we worked, I mentioned that the fuel tanks for the generators were stored in the ground. That in of itself is nto a big deal but who was the freaking idiot engineer that designed the fuel PUMPS to be run off electricity from the building?? I mean our building was now officially without power, despite having a generator on the roof. I’m sure some dumb-ass construction engineer would have gotten reemed and fired for such a bonehead design.

Ok, so not only does our helpdesk get designated an ‘essential service'(Duh! Hello! Nothing to fix here!)we now have the stairway open while people walked up and down them carrying buckets of diesel fuel to the rooftop generator. Once that got started we had the great pleasure of working in the fumes of diesel fuel AND exhaust. And you thought doing tech support at a helpdesk was a pushover I bet!

Google OS

July 12, 2009

So, like I said back in my May 16th post “Floppy Disks? In 2009???”, Google has ‘preannounced’ their Chrome Operating System. I also said that “a ”Google Computer” that is nothing more than a ‘netbook’” and here’s an excerpt from that article:

“Google is planning to launch lightweight operating system dubbed the Chrome OS that’ll target netbooks…”

So this isn’t so surprising if you paid attention to what Google has been doing. We’ll see how this all turns out.

IT Environmental Hazards

July 10, 2009

You would think that sitting at a desk, answering emails and phones, us geeks would have fairly safe jobs free of any dangers or other extreme ‘occupational hazards’. It’s not like we’re Chinese and in the 1800s trying to plant dynamite, thus earning the old quote “Not a Chinaman’s chance in hell.”. Well maybe that isn’t the case and we’re exposed to dangers of another type…..the type that burn your soul.

So here are the types of soul-quenching dangers we are exposed to in the cubical barnyard of our daily lives.

The constant emailer:

This little bugger sends out emails every minute of the day. The freaking power consumption from the never-ending network card usage is staggering. He’s the only one that has a network card that has it’s own power connector.

The mad keyboardist:

You can hear their clicks at least 3 cublicles away and it’s non-stop for hours on end. Makes you wonder how the company can afford to be replacing keyboards every week or so.

The cublicle clucker:

This guy chatters away with anyone. With a client who has a problem and everyone within a 20 cublicle radius can hear him. Avaya techs groan audibly when he calls with a phone problem. Many have committed suicide upon seeing his phone ID on the display.

The roaming gibbering mouther:

This annoying windbag talks so at least half-the floor can hear him and he walks around on his iPhone acting like he’s God’s Gift to saving the client from Ragnarok! Hell, even Odin consults him on occasion.

Personally, if you thinking of getting into IT, you might rather consider time travelling backwards and help make railroads…

So, you're an IT Manager eh?

July 8, 2009

I overheard the otherday that Justice Of The Peace is a politically appointed position and that it had nothing to do with ‘ability to perform’.  Now, I don’t know much about the political system, could care less really, but I decided to look into this term and see if I could understand it a bit more.  Being the diligent geek, the first thing I hit was Google.  Here are the top 5 references that I saw for this term:

1/ BCTF > Politically appointed college draws deeper outrage from “That the minister act on the commitment she made in the December 10, 2003 open cabinet meeting and dismiss the politically appointed council and hold …”

That didn’t sound too good, dismissing anyone can’t be a good thing.  Let’s check the next one.

2/ 1st-36th, Volume 37 – Oral Questions – The Hydro Board, politically appointed board members, again after the election, went up some 36 percent in terms of the remuneration for those board members 

Hmm, politically appointed memebrs giving themselves a raise…err…’increase in renumeration’…ok, still not looking good.  Next.

3/ Incompentent polictically appointed Minnesota family court referee  — He’s pathetic scum, politically appointed, and totally inadequate for the position he holds — a disgusting disgrace — if I must say. 

Well, this ‘politically appointed’ term seems to be getting quite the bad rap so far….next.

4/ AIMS : Issues : Oil and Gas – Last Friday Western Petroleum forced the politically appointed Newfoundland oil pricing commissioner to increase the price of a litre of gasoline by 5.8 

So a ‘politically appointed’ commisioner increases the price fo gas.  Yup, that’ll make him popular for sure!  Next…but I’m not holding my breath that this will be any better…

5/ Responsibility in the Constitution – Chapter 7 – Constitutional 1 Jun 1993 … It is also important to stress that they are politically appointed and not intended to be non-partisan. Indeed, the appearance of officials …

So let me see if I can sum up what I’ve learned about being ‘politically appointed’ here:

  • you can dismiss people
  • your position has nothing to do with your skill
  • you can give yourself a ‘renumeration increase’
  • you are ‘pathetic scum’
  • you can raise the price of gasoline
  • you are not intented to be non-biased

So then IT Managers must all be ‘politically appointed’ as that describes just about every IT Manager working at many companies I know about.

Got this client(IT manager) who removed himself from some software connections.  Problem is he wasn’t fully associated with those connections and blamed us for his missing connections.  Between not properly explaining the issue in the first place,  finding out that he could be missing any ONE of 10,000 different connections associated with his company, and not hearing back from him after a week of requesting updates, he then goes and blames US for HIS lack of software management.  Shame on us eh?

It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, there are clueless morons all over the place who are ‘it managers’ and still don’t know squat.  And they really hate it when you point it out to them too but I _really_ like it 🙂

The dumbest of questions

July 5, 2009

Why do people ask the dumbest of questions?  I swear that technology makes the majority of people stupid.  Seriously.  The saying that the two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity are more true now than ever.  The other saying, that I have modified, is “Nothing makes more mistakes quicker than guns or tequilla.”  I’ll throw in computers with that lot!

Dumb question #1:  “I can’t see this person on my contract.  Is here there?”

Ok, do I really have to answer this?  Seriously?  Shall I lend you my glasses because I know damn well they work as I have proof that idiocy abounds in the IT world right in front of me!  Much like a neutered dog, you just don’t get it do you?

Dumb question #2:  “How do I fix ordering 14,000 wrong licenses?”

Huh?  How the hell does someone order 14,000 wrong of anything???  The depth of this stupidity is simply astounding, and by that I mean “Retarded Policeman” type of astounding!  That’s like asking “How do I get 213 women un-pregnant?”  Like, did you simply not pay attention in school?  Dude, it’s called protection and not the ‘pay or we’ll not be responsible for any accidents that occur to your legs’ type of protection either!  Damn.

Dumb question #3:  background, previous company:  Client has a power outage and is concerned about her phone system.  She calls in.  “Can you tell me if our phones are working?”  Ok, the first problem with this is that we do tech support for their computers.  We have no information/help for their phone systems but I give it a shot any ways.  “What seems to be the problem?”  She responds “We’ve had a power outage and our computers are down.”  I, in my infinite wisdom, ask the obvious question “Then how are you calling me?”

Wait for it….

“On the phone………oh….”

It took 4 Advil to clear up that headache.

You don't know what you want!

July 3, 2009

I really, really do wonder if people pay ANY type of attention to what they do.  Like the  other day I witnessed this SUV wandering back and forth in his lane.  He was ahead of me in the lane beside me and I had to contemplate what I was going to do.  Not being the impatient type, (although I do wonder how I am able to keep my sanity while waiting for Windows to do anything  even though the System Idle shows 99% but yet my click hasn’t freaking gotten any respect and thus no action….) I really wanted to get passed this guy.  Tought luck on anyone else behind him I say.  So here I am trying to time his lane wandering to when I can floor it and get by this guy.

Oh, did I mention this was happening on a mountain access?  Yeah, I could just see someone getting side-swiped by this idiot trying to fiddle with his glove box and punting some stupid little Hyundai over the embankment to more cars below.  Well, it would make for some news any ways.

Ok, back to my trying to guess correct timing to random lane wanderings.  I wait and SLAM on the gas! (Thanks Vanilla Ice for that metaphor!).  All 183 ft-lbs of torque scream by him and I’m safe to complete my trip home.  I noted that in my rear-view mirror he is looking at me like I’m crazy.  Well, maybe he’s right.  I make money from fixing stupid Windows errors…

So, like this guy who can’t make up his mind where in his lane he wants to be, I get a client who can’t make u his mind what email address he wants us to use for him.  The clueless client (to which I will lovingly refer as CC)asks use to add an email address to his account  (let’s call it  I check and the email address isn’t setup on our site.  So I
reply and tell him he has to register that emailaddress before I can add it to his account.

CC then responds with “I have registered”.  What the….

I email him back and say “You initally said to ass and then you replied to me with ‘I have registered’.  Just so we are clear, do you now want me to add to your account?”

Are you just dying for CC’s response?  Can you even guess what he will say?  I am still floored by it.

CC’s response:  “I am a little confused by your response.  Please add”

My reply: “I guess when you wrote ‘I have registered’ that it had nothig to do with your original request.”  (A pretty mild but politically-correct bitch slap there).

You know….you just can’t make this shit up.