Tech Predictions for 2009!

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You ready for this?

So, here’s what the all seeing digital eye sees for the ‘tech season that starts after the gift wrapping’:

1/ More parents will buy their kids toys based on name and not any knowledge whatsoever. “Jenny keeps talking about this iBod thingy…” So Jenny’s mom will hustle her way down to Future Shop and buy one. It sure beats having Jenny whine about not having what all her friends have and it keeps Jenny out of mom’s hair and ‘parental obligation to raise their kid’.

2/ The ‘sports jock’ will brag about how how big their HDTV is. As usual, it will be the same old “buying something to make up for other masculine parts” in his life. Then again, they made it easy to say bigger technical words like one-thousand-and-eighty by shortening it down to ten-eighty. It’s amazing how people, especially the jocks, get duped by marketing ploys. 1080 pixels from top to bottom…..wow…so you have that many pixels stretched on your Panasonic 50″ 1080p Flat-Panel Plasma HDTV. Considering that 1024pixels tall computer screens have been around since the late 1990s(on 14″ screens….do you really thing that an extra 56pixels make up for an extra 36″?!?!), one wonders how they hype up such a small difference…then again, it’s easy to pull high tech terms over jocks….Merry Christmas….hope your $1500 was worth the extra 56 pixels than my 14″ 1997 Compaq monitor.

3/ A healthy dose of spam! “Spam, spam, spam, spam….”(Think Monty Python). That always makes for extra Christmas Dinner treats!

4/ Let us not forget about those guys who want ever MORE money out of your pocket. That’s right, the spyware guys! (HA! Bet you thought I was going to say the Gov’t! I’m sure they are thinking of legal ways to spam you soon…). So back to little Kenny who wants to play with his other Webkinz friends online. He plugs his new USB Plush Toy Lizard “Dolly” into daddy’s computer (completely and securely protected by Norton!). And he tries to find that website where he can log in with his id and put Dolly’s name online (who raise this kid??? I mean calling a lizard “Dolly”? Really?!?). He tries typing in the address into Yahoo….well, that first link _looks_ like Webkinz-land….so he clicks. It just tells him to ‘click here’ and being the good obedient(if warped by too much of mommy’s influence) child, he clicks. Now you have spyware. Yup….good luck with that! Call me so I can charge you a ‘reasonable rate’ to fix your PC, I can do it sitting at home too without having to even visit your house 🙂 Call me at 289-24…. Yes I’ll work on Christmas but there is a premium….

And last, but definitely not least…

5/ The latest version of AntiVirus 2009. Yes sir, it looks just like an anti-virus program from big old Gates himself, ripe with a miniture Windows XP logo and all! I mean, it _must_ be real when it tells you that you have a virus or 29 on your system right? (oddly enough…it really isn’t lying…it’s just talking about itself). So you click ‘remove now’ and it gets ‘rid’ of those other pesky virus (virii?) that it seemingly found and is now the sole controller of your protection. Try to update Norton…..what do you mean ‘timed out’ or ‘page not found’? I paid $80 for a years worth of protection!(which just means you are more of a sucker than you realize, but that’s a whole other rant…). Why isn’t Norton updating? Wait a minute….why won’t windows update? Heyyy…where’s my internet connection???? Well, at least you got what you paid for eh?

Maybe next year you’ll get all this but in a different colour.

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